Wednesday, January 9, 2013
The Art of Parenting...
I don't how many of you read the magazine 'Parents' but sometimes I do sometimes I don't. I find alot of their information very vague, and very one sided. They write articles about how to push your children, then ten pages later how to shelter them. Every once in a while though, I find that I am pulled to a certain article or two. In January 2013 there was a article entitled 'The Secrets of an Organized Family'. Not being quite as organized as I would like to be, I decided to go ahead and read it. I was greatly disappointed that not alot of it was geared towards me. I'm a stay at home mom in the middle of no-where, my husband works 60 hours a week and -news flash- I don't co-ordinate social events (besides birthday parties twice a year). It was very much geared toward a working parent. A segment of the article was on how the kids can help, my oldest fit into the 3-5 category and I was both pleased and slightly intimidated. Not only does my daughter do the 3-5 year list, she also does the majority of the 6-8, aaannnddd the 9-12. She has been helping me unload the dishwasher (9-12), helps me with dinner (9-12), helps me fold laundry (9-12), etc. etc. In parenting today i'm finding a deep flaw in philosophy. There seems to be an influx of parents that don't push their children, that go by statistics and don't drive their children for more. I am by no means an insane pusher of my children, but I do like to think I drive them into being better little people. My daughters are drilled in manners, Sarah knows how to count to 12, knows most of her abc's, can say hello in three different languages, and has developed a sense of imagination that i'm envious of. I re-read Little House on the Prairie to Sarah and in so doing I realized that there seems to be a lack of drive in children today. We all have the same brain, so what in society has gone adrift? By 5 years old, Laura and Mary Ingalls were expected to sit quietly all day on Sunday, behave around company, help Ma in the kitchen, do a multitude of chores, and retain knowledge that we teach second graders today! I have a friend of mine whose posts on Facebook and her blog constantly amaze me. Her son is bright, and so smart, philosophical, and just plain adorable. I know that this goes almost soley to her amazing ability to be an attentive parent. She encouraged me to read a book that I enjoyed and took so much from on French parenting. Why can European parents let their children loose at a park and read a book? Why do they behave in restaurants? Why do they remember their manners without fail? Have we made tv a babysitter? Have we unknowingly dumbed down our children? 150 years ago we were authorizing 16 year olds to teach the next generation, they were striking out on their own, making a mark. The most pivotal point in a child's life at 16 today, it seems, is whether or not they can drive a car or have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Food for thought. There is no right or wrong way, but without parents that push, will our children lose the value of dedication, work, or appreciation of both?
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Thanks for the amazing shout out! It's always nice, as you know, when your life's work is reaffirmed :)
ReplyDeleteI shy away from magazines like Parents, mainly because it has no relevance in my life and I refused to be lumped in with millions of other women. I suppose that's my main issue with magazines like Parents and sites like Pinterest. There's sort of a general feeling of not doing enough. I mean, we're already on clock 24 hours a day, but do we also need to do 87 hand print crafts for affirmation? Some women have a higher threshold than others, and by this I mean some are able to go weeks without alone time, others only days and that's alright. Every woman and her situation differ. Believe it or not, underneath the mother facade, are women who have interests apart from their children and those articles just depress me.
That's a thing I enjoyed about French parenting, is that it's a bit weird to devote your entire life to your children. Like at the playground it's okay to let them run while you sit and enjoy some time alone with a book, keeping your distance, but still managing to keep an eye out. This summer while Theo was still so young and slept in his car seat, I did this while Jack played a few feet away by himself and you would not believe the looks I got from mothers that felt the need to climb up on the structure and play with their children. That's another quality I think is instilled in French children, perhaps more than in American children of our kids' generation, is independence. I don't remember my stay-at-home mom running around Funland with my brother and I, and we shouldn't expect her to. What's going to happen when a generation of children who spent their childhood with their mother shackled to them, grow up?
I think independence is crucial to instilling a sense of drive in your kids. Treating a child like they're capable of understanding goes a long way. Obviously every child progresses at a different level, and that's okay. But, what I learned from Bringing Up Bebe, is that the right combination of discipline, independence, and expectations creates a beautiful mixture for a flourishing young person.